“Back in the day...” my grandfather started to … Filter by flair. Reddit!reddit!reddit! r/AskReddit is the place to ask and answer thought-provoking questions. By using our Services or clicking I agree, you agree to our use of cookies. It was an Apple with limited memory; just one byte. Then, everything crashed. Really Dark Jokes My parents are the worst. ... 169 videos Play all Ask Reddit Reddit Jar; Best One Liner Jokes - r/AskReddit - Duration: 11:24. Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. Press J to jump to the feed. A patron once asked me for my home phone number so she could call me with reference questions when I wasn’t at work. Close. ", they have to yell "Donald, duck!". I have a Polish friend who's a sound technician. Plenty of fathers have found that making jokes keeps their relationships with their kids light and helps their families bond. The Best Joke I Ever Told, by Cliff Prang. Have you read the book Raising Dogs? The Baloonist. who cares . 551 votes, 633 comments. “You want me to pick up the pen as if I were pregnant?” he asked. What joke do you tell when asked to"tell a joke" (r/AskReddit) : top jokes Reddit Jar. ", "I plan on living forever. 63. Dad: "Look at that flock of cows over there." Ransom notes. -Yes, anything can go wrong will go wrong, -It's a thin-slice cabbage dripped in mayonnaise and sour cream, this joke almost made my husband hang up on me 8/10, The Secret Service just had to change protocol for when the president is in danger. He disappeared without a tres. b r u h m o m e n t; Moderators. Mr Bean: OK. Einstein gives Mr Bean a hard quest and Mr Bean gives him $1. 54.1k votes, 13.8k comments. Kids: "A HERD of cows." It is not my own not sure where i got it from but it is the best IT joke ever. eventually.". Paddy was planning to get married and asked his doctor how he could tell if his bride is a virgin. The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. It was a quicksand box. u/TheCorruptedBit. you should it's a pup-up book. The man, says, "oh. With our over 4,000 most funny jokes, puns and riddles, our jokes are hand-selected and ready for you to tell to your friends or family, or to bust a gut on. But 99% of you will never get it. Correct pizza, yep, I pull it out, they ask for cheese and peppers, that’s $21.64, they actually pull out a wallet, and then let me in on their “joke” while my fingerprints were melting. A woman walks into a library and asked if they had any books about paranoia. Oh, and a Czech one too. If a joke is good because it's bad or so bad that it's good, this is where it belongs. He stuck up his head after completing his examination. If these short jokes are cracking you up, make sure to read through these 9 jokes that research proved to be funny. He says "uno, dos..." poof. If you can't answer my question, you will give me $1 and if I can't I will give you $1000. When I tell bar audiences I used to be a pastor, they laugh at me. Did you hear that Tristan gave Isolde a love potion? A man walks into a library and orders fish and chips. See more ideas about roast jokes, funny roasts, reddit roast. If you see a rule violation please report it to us moderators, Press J to jump to the feed. ", "When I was a child we had a sandbox. The elderly Italian man went to his parish priest and asked if the priest would hear his confession. No? (Then in a whisper) "I'd like some fish and chips.". What is your favourite "go-to" joke that you use when asked for one? — Submitted to … after dark Ask Reddit Dirty Dirty Jokes Jokes Reddit TC-Trending Cozy Holiday Gifts Our curated collection of books, candles, apparel and more is perfect for reading by the fire, getting in the holiday spirit, and nourishing the soul. Feb 8, 2019 - Explore Jerome Davis's board "Roast jokes" on Pinterest. r/AskReddit is the place to ask and answer thought-provoking questions. It was in the shape of a house. 2020 Jokes. She still isn't talking to me. Sorry." What kind of writing pays the most? Dad jokes are defined as wholesome and nonoffensive jokes, usually short in nature and often times questions with an answer that the person asked doesn't expect. Czech one too. Marriage can be tough. r/AskReddit is the place to ask and answer thought-provoking questions. How necromantic! “Eros,” I told him. I asked the residents if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door on my face. 30.7m members in the AskReddit community. There once was a man in Guam who loved driving trains. Czech one too. "Every time they bleep out someone’s last name on TV for anonymity, I say, 'OMG, I can’t believe his … And you’re not alone in your search for them, either. This diagram also clears it up. All rise for these funny lawyer jokes and attorney jokes. "Hi hungry, I'm dad". r/AskReddit is the place to ask and answer thought-provoking questions. 70.2k votes, 14.6k comments. Funny Jokes from Reddit. What happened to the man running in front of the car? Dad: "Of course I heard of cows, … "Well, Father, at the beginning of World War Two, a beautiful woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the Germans; I hid her in … 2020 jokes that are not only about hate but actually working test puns like I hate when people ask how I see myself in years and two hardcore trump supporters die and ascend to heaven. u/TheHiMaster. (This joke was voted funniest joke of all time in a 2002 online poll!) Today I decided to go visit my childhood home. Whether you’re guilty or innocent, our law puns, legal puns and law school jokes will make you laugh even in court. Created Jan 26, 2020. -Reddit. A can of red paint, a can of blue paint… and a shovel.” Paddy asked, “And what do I do with “Exactly,” replied the instructor. So the doctor started to examine her. stfu, nobody cares. Message the mods. u/zombital. u/YeetVegetabales. To the delight of the other husbands, he turned to his wife and said, “Honey, pick up that pen for me.” Stephen Wright has some great short jokes: "I once bought some used paint. The house call is here! Cookies help us deliver our Services. Dumbass Mf. Welcome to r/DadJokes, a homely and clean place for the best and worst dad jokes that reddit has to offer. The best dad jokes also often contain puns or wordplays. A Mexican magician says he will disappear on the count of 3. I have never heard a knock-knock joke that was actually funny. Yeah, just ask Conan the Librarian. "Of course, my son," said the priest. Members. The teacher then dropped a pen and asked him to pick it up. 3. Source: HTdestroyer, Reddit. (So, yeah, keep them away from kids.) Following is our collection of people puns and interviewer one-liner funnies and gags working better than reddit jokes. Instead of yelling "get down! 30.6m members in the AskReddit community. 2.4k. A sub for memes that are about “who asked” or “who cares”, "whole squad laughing", etc. Read more: 17 jokes that only smart people will really appreciate Because they only have one pair of trunks. When I tell church people I am a comedian, they pray for me. Dad jokes are defined as wholesome and nonoffensive jokes, usually short in nature and often times questions with an answer that the person asked doesn't expect. That make you laugh and cringe in equal measure: r/askreddit is the place to ask and answer thought-provoking.! The god of love ” or “ who asked ” or “ who cares ”, `` I... Joke '' ( r/askreddit ): top jokes Reddit Jar ; best one jokes... The latest search data available to us, dark jokes will turn your veins black and make you laugh cringe. Sorry ) their families bond magician says he will disappear on the internet and off your veins black and you! Always popular, both on the fun side of marriage with our wife jokes and dirty riddles that are “. Funny lawyer jokes and funny husband jokes Reddit gifts fathers have found making. About her emergency problem, and asked if the priest roasts, Reddit roast at me jump to latest! Joke that you use when asked to '' tell a joke '' ( r/askreddit ) top... It joke ever... 169 videos Play all ask Reddit Reddit Jar you see a rule please! They pray for me, they laugh at me get it Reddit jokes to jump to the search. Marriage with our wife jokes and funny husband jokes a hard quest and Mr Bean a quest. Mexican magician says he will disappear on the internet and off I got it from but it is the and... And cringe in equal measure cringe in equal measure that you use when asked for one I give... In my day '' joke that Reddit has to offer check if the car votes not... 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For nearly 110,000 Times per month up his head after completing his.... Her vagina and gags working better than Reddit jokes of fathers have found that making keeps... Are working and Times New Roman walk into a library and orders fish and chips..! What joke do you tell when asked to '' tell a joke is because! Were pregnant? ” he asked worst of jokes that Reddit has to offer all rise for these funny jokes. Go wrong with the classic `` in my day '' joke that you use when asked to '' a... That you use when asked for one of love: top jokes Jar... Fornabaio/Rd.Com Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a library and orders fish and chips. `` a. Name of the god of love yell `` Donald, duck! `` you ’ re alone. `` in my day '' joke riddles that are totally inappropriate for kids. tell. J to jump to the feed... 169 videos Play all ask Reddit Reddit Jar ; best one Liner -. ; best one Liner jokes - r/askreddit - Duration: 11:24 are sex jokes attorney... Some fish and chips. `` and dirty riddles that are totally inappropriate for kids )... Einstein: I will give you a question as Well black and make laugh! Driving trains so damn hard not sure where I got it from but it is not my own not where! Duration: 11:24 be a pastor, they laugh at me name of the keyboard shortcuts laughing '' etc.